The Ties That Bind

Bernadette and Donald, my birth parents

So something that is big and important in my life (being adopted) that I have been meaning to write more about came out in someone else’s blog today: (
It was very interesting to read a perspective from the other side.

Of course, I have been way more fortunate than most in the whole search for my biological family on both sides. In fact, before I truly found my paternal side, I wrote a little something about it that you can check out here:

But since that time, I have officially met MOST of my siblings (my youngest brother Jamie was ill when we had our get together) and for the first time in my entire life I feel completely whole and secure. I know who I really am and the people I come from and it has really filled a huge hole for me.
Now, I love my adoptive parents very much. My mom who just turned 85, lives in a small apartment attached to our house. My Dad passed away in 1991 and not I day goes by that I don’t miss him. My younger adoptive brother Robert, passed away in 2007 and today would have been his 50th birthday. I don’t think he handled being adopted very well and he had many years of mental health issues, drug and alcohol abuse along with a host of other personal issues.

All that being said, there was always a deep need in me to know who I was, and where I came from…who are my people?

Well, I found my biological mom Bernadette in 1994 and I also have an older sister Kate. Bernadette passed away in 1998 and Kate and I have a somewhat tenuous relationship. Apparently her and Bernadette did not get along very well and I can understand Kate’s anger and frustration which sometimes gets projected onto me. It used to bother me so much, but these days I have a much better understanding of it.


My sister Kate and I on the subway in NYC

Just last year, in May, through DNA testing I was able to find my paternal side. (Bernadette had told me my birth father’s name) Unfortunately he passed in 2010 and he never knew about me from what we know. But, I do have 4 more siblings to add to the mix, one, a little sister who passed away tragically at the age of 13. When I found out about Dee Dee from my sister Annie and brother Donnie I spent many nights dreaming of her and wishing we could talk. It seems that when I first contacted them, I told Donnie he should take a DNA test so he would be certain…he kept saying no, that it was ok he knew who I was. Then Annie shared some photos with me of Dee Dee and I knew why he said that. We could have been twins…..and everything they tell me about her sounds like me. I grew up with just myself and my younger adoptive brother Robert, but now I am one of 7 siblings…..



My brother Robert and I    Me with Donnie and Annie

Life is quite an amazing journey….and just like everyone else I have had my share of tragedy, heartbreak and the like, but when you are adopted I believe all of that is exacerbated by the fact that you already feel so disconnected from life…like you are some sort of alien dropped off with no link to anything. Now I am complete and whole, both sides of my birth family have welcomed me with open arms and hearts, and I will say, that since my birth mom was 1 of 11 and my birth father was one of 8, the amount of cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews is astounding.

My Uncle Louie

My nephew Michael and my niece Donna

I am so thankful for who I am and where I come from. And that deep yearning I had all my life has finally been satisfied. The Ties That Bind

Me,  Annie and  Donna (Dee Dee) taken when we were about the same age.

I am so thankful for who I am and where I come from. And that deep yearning I had all my life has finally been satisfied. These ARE The Ties That Bind



3 thoughts on “The Ties That Bind”

  1. Oh, wow. Reading this just makes me so happy for you ❤ To find that feeling of wholeness and being complete. I'm glad you found your people.


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