Blog Along in April

So, here I am accepting the challenge to blog along with Effy Wild. This was a perfect opportunity since my head has been filled with blog ideas constantly….hopefully this will keep me going.

You can read a little about me in my about page…but of course as with everyone there is so much more to “Surface” stuff.

The subject that has had me thinking I would like to write about it is this…..Soul connections. We all have them in different forms but the one I want to write about in particular today is a very special someone in my life, my oldest grandson. Mind you, he is only 6 1/2 year old….but I feel our soul connection is one of the deepest I have ever had. It runs through my veins, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt it runs through his too.

You see, I was never fortunate enough to have biological children of my own, and I am also adopted….which leaves a person feeling so disconnected most of their life. Of course I was also blessed to marry a wonderful guy who had 3 children whom I have had a relationship with since before him and I were ever together, and I have found my biological roots which has filled me with a euphoric sense of completeness (That’s for another blog).

With that being said, I will travel back to a time in 2009 when my middle step daughter got engaged…..it was something we all knew about and was to be a surprise for her birthday while we were on a family vacation. My now son-in-law pulled it off without a hitch and there was lots of joy and celebrating. Of course everyone started planning…wedding showers, dress shopping, planning….and yes it was all fun and exciting…..but the thing is for me, I couldn’t stop thinking “BABY”…..I was way ahead of where everyone else was and my heart and mind were consumed….baby baby baby, all I could think about. I even spoke to a medium about it, because it was like an obsession to me…and her words now come back to me full force. “This child you are dreaming of, your souls are connected on a very deep level…..you have known each other before and in your heart you know the arrival will be soon”

I laugh and cry at the same time just thinking about it…..and of course the wedding was wonderful, and as a gift, my husband and I sent them on their honeymoon to a place that has special meaning in our family, a place where my husband’s mom spent a lot of childhood summers and where we have spent happy times as a family. It is a little island off the coast of Rhode Island called Block Island. We got them a suite at The Spring House, a beautiful old hotel overlooking the ocean…and both of us joked that we hoped our first grandchild would be conceived there….

After that, life went on it’s busy way….work, obligations, the usual..and then my dear dog Kayla whom had been with me from the age of 3 weeks old and was now nearing 16 was diagnosed with osteosarcoma. It was the longest 2 months ever of round the clock hospice care for her. As the Christmas holiday was fastly approaching, I knew we were nearing the end of our time together…..and then on the night of December 21st, after my stepson came home for the holidays, during a full moon eclipse, she passed quietly in my arms….Anyone who has ever had a dear animal companion knows the devastation one feels when the time comes….I was numb, I was silent, I didn’t’t want to do anything….I didn’t go out with my husband and son for dinners, or visits or anything….I just wanted to be alone. And thank goodness they understood and respected that.

And then…..Christmas morning came…I tried to be upbeat but I just wasn’t into celebrating….and then we got the call from my stepdaughter as she wanted to hear us open the present her and her husband had sent us….it was a rectangular photo frame, with 3 photos in it, her, and her husband and something else….As I tore the paper from left to right I KNEW what it was before I saw the whole thing….my heart leapt in my chest, I let out a huge yell and burst into tears….

That’s RIGHT!!!! I was going to be a grandma!!! This WAS IT!!!!!! And funny thing was, she DID conceive on her honeymoon, they were just waiting for Christmas to surprise us. And then she asked us what we wanted to be called, and even though I was still in my 40s, I wanted nothing more than to be called Grandma….that was an honor I never thought I would have the privilege of having so that was it.

I also KNEW it was going to be a boy, although everyone else said it would be a girl…..I called him my little beanie.

And then in the early summer of 2011 he arrived, and from the very first second I held him in my arms, it was love, true unconditional no holds barred deep in my soul love….and somehow, this little guy gave it right back to me. Even though we live so far apart, we are ALWAYS together….in our hearts. We have our secrets, we have the moon and the stars and we have each other. And he couldn’t quite say grandma, so I am now Meema….which makes me laugh.

Before he could even speak, we would look at each other and just know what the other was thinking…..on visits when he was little we would lay and look up at the stars and I would tell him stories and he would ask me questions about life, and death and the universe and love. He was only 2 or 3 at the time and we had such deep conversations with each other, I would sing a special song I learned in Gaelic and whenever I would start, he would stop what he was doing and stare at me like he understood. One Thanksgiving when he was 3, he burst into tears at the table and refused to eat until he could talk to me via FaceTime…..and he took the phone outside because he wanted a private conversation…..he does that a lot. Since we live on a farm it is hard for both of us to get away, so we take turns going up to visit. Every time it’s Dick’s turn, my grandson takes his phone and calls me…even at parties and family gatherings, he just sets the phone down next to him so we can talk as if I was there.

Now he is soon to be 7 and the connection is deeper all the time. But now I have the pleasure of hearing the phone ring early in the morning and a little voice saying, “Can I please speak to Meema?” He is the ONLY person I will ever speak to before I have had my coffee…..everyone else knows I am off limits. He is really the most special person in the world to me…but it is our secret, because I now have 4 grandchildren and another on the way. We talk about how when we are all together it is not fair to show favoritism so we will look at each other and wink and he knows that is our I love you best signal. There are times when he will specifically ask for us to have our alone time and it doesn’t have to be anything special, sometimes we just sit in silence lots of times we paint together. He says things to me that move me to tears, and now at this age, he finally understands what happy tears are and has experienced them himself. At Christmas this year, they were all here to visit and at one point, my husband and I looked around the room, looked at each other and started to cry…..everyone else was completely oblivious to our emotions, including the adults, but he looked over at us….and I saw the tears well up in his eyes and he said, “Please, stop it…you are making me cry” Of course we just cried harder.

I look at this little guy as my greatest gift in life…….and although he says to me, “I am so glad Peepa married you, cause you are the one and only best Grandma for me.” I know beyond any reason, that this little boy was meant to be my grandson, he is my soulmate.